Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize