i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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