When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
