I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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