I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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