How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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