she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
