I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
