I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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