She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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