i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
