Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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