I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
