but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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