Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
