make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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