he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
our cab driver is having phone sex.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
