Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
