i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize