just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
