I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
