Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
