hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So much Jack, so little girl.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
