You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
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SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
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he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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