im six kinds of drunk right now
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize