I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
