But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Randomize
