I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
