Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
