i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Even my vagina gasped.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
