Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
