Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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