wrigley field is MILF paradise
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
