Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
