sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
