I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
