I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
