Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
