READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
