did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
