careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
