I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Boobs speak an international language.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
