i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
