At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Randomize
