Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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