Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize