No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
