when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
