dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
