Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
