Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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