I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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