I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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