Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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