First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
