They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
