question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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