I faked an abortion last night.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
