We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
