based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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