should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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