plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
