Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
